Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Inn,
Not a sound could be heard, not the drop of a pin.
The placemats were laid out on the table with care,
Protecting fine wood tops from nicks, dings, and wear.
The guests were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Crepes Suzette danced in their heads.
And marmalade jelly served on warm golden rolls,
An assortment of cereals in fine hand-hewn bowls.
When out on the lawn there came such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
With my cell phone and bat in my hands holding tight,
I peered through the door into the dark winter night.
The snow on the terrace and leaves on the lawn,
Needed shoveling and sweeping, I would do them at dawn.
When, what to my wondering eyes should I see,
But a black armored limo and eight black SUV’s.
It was someone important now that much was clear,
Though this VIP didn’t come with eight tiny reindeer.
More rapid than eagles his protection detail came,
And the radio crackled as they called out his name.
“Home base we’ve arrived with “The Eagle” and spouse,
Laying low at an Inn called ‘Farmers Guest House’.
It seems quiet enough there’s a swing and a cat,
I see someone approaching with a cell phone and bat.”
As I approached the black limo, very slowly at first,
What I saw amazed me and nearly made my heart burst.
It was a man dressed in fur, sporting white trim and red,
And the white of his beard matched the white on his head.
His eyes-how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
He had a broad face and a round little belly,
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly.
He rolled down the window, gave a wink and a smile,
His perfectly formed teeth seemed to shine for a mile.
I had never before seen the likes of this lodger,
It was Grammy Award winner, country singer Kenny Rogers!
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.
He summoned me over and without hesitation,
Wanted rooms for the night with no prior reservation.
My policy is posted and required to be read,
No pets and no smoking, no jumping on the bed.
Despite my misgivings and wanting to do more
Despite the fact check-in ended promptly before.
I welcomed him gladly and all of his crew,
It was Christmas and really what else could I do?
He sprang from his limo, to his team gave a whistle,
Unpacking they flew like the down of a thistle.
And Mr. Rogers exclaimed, as he turned off his light,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”
[An adaptation of Clement Moore's classic Christmas Poem by Rob Keone]
(With a change or two by the Innkeepers of Farmers Guest House)